Monday, May 13, 2013

Fawkesy Lady Sex Tip Series, Part 1: Putting Stuff in Your Butt is Awesome!

This week, I'd like to bring you a mini sex tip series on Butt Stuff: The Sex Act Everyone's Curious About, but is Too Embarrassed to Ask!

Okay, so Kate Hudson's probably not thinking about anal right now... but you never know!

Part One:  Kicking Butt Sex Myths's Asses!

Myth # 1: It Always Hurts

We've all heard this, but how true is it, really? 

If you've never plugged your tertiary love hole, you've probably imagined nightmare scenarios where you writhe in virginal agony the second a penis comes anywhere near your exclusive back alley nightclub. In this mental analogy, you think of your sphincter as the scary back-door bouncer, aggressively trying to keep Mr. Penis out, because he is NOT on the VIP list. A struggle ensues and everyone ends the night embarrassed, bruised and not a little disturbed.

This is not how things should go down. 


The key to successful backdoor lovin'? Just remember your three P's!
  • Patience
  • Preparation
  • Puttin' some lube on it!


You need patience from yourself and your partner to make sure you don't RUSH, the first time, or forever after. Patience is writing your partner's name on the VIP list, so he has an easier time getting into the A Club. Without it, you'll both be frustrated. Take your time, and make sure you're hot, ready, and relaxed.

Relaxing is the most important thing, and no one can relax while they rush! I'm pretty sure that defies physics. So take it slow, and make sure your breathing is steady, you're turned on and warm, and you trust your partner to take their time entering you.

Patience always pays off! (Well... at least when it comes to sweet, sweet anal.)


Not only do you want to make sure your body is ready, you want to do some basic stuff so things don't go from fun to funky. BUT, there's no need to overdo it :). 

-Go to the bathroom first to make sure everything's clear. 

Some people give themselves an enema first, but I feel like that's overkill. In my eight years of having regular anal sex, I've only had one instance of a not-so-sexy mishap, and then it was just one of those things that I was mortified by, but my husband just laughed off. 

Sex is just one of those things. Gross, hilarious stuff happens once in a while, and there's nothing you can do about it. Fluids go flying, somebody farts, or your partner yells "GET OFF, GET OFF!" because their Jaegermeister is coming back up. Things happen, but they are the exception. Laugh about them when they do, and relax the rest of the time. It's all good.

If this freaks you out, though, condoms are always great. Just make sure you get one that's lubricated, or use a lubricant that won't eat through latex. Then, clean up is no problem in case of the rare mess. Whichever makes you comfortable and relaxed :).

-Stretches aren't just for hamstrings!

Either alone or with your partner, practice stretching yourself so you'll be ready when it's Business Time. This will not only help you be more relaxed because you know roughly how it will feel, but you'll be better able to accept your partner.

First gently probe at your entrance, then when you can, slip a lubricated fingertip in. When that feels comfortable, work it in and out, and focus on the sensation, relaxing as you stretch, exploring your body. Add another finger when you feel ready and repeat. 

If you're comfortable, buy a slender butt plug to practice with when you're flying solo. I own something similar to this one , and I love it. It's slim and tapered, so it's easy to get used to, sensation-wise, and can help you stretch out (as well as being a lot of fun during "Me Time!")

Puttin' Some Lube on it

Lube: Don't leave home without it! And definitely don't go there with anal play without it. 

Trust me on this. Just.... don't.

There's ALWAYS time for lube!

Lube is X factor that seals the deal on making anal enjoyable versus painful. Sure, you CAN have anal using only spit or, I don't know, dreams, for lubrication, but getting inside will be harder on both you and your partner, it will be more difficult to relax (the most important thing!), plus it can chafe you both where you least want to be chafe.

So why not slow your roll long enough to put on some delightful lube? You'd be crazy not to!

Things I recommend:

-Find a brand that's not too runny, so it stays put during lovemaking. 

I enjoy good, ol' fashioned KY for this because it comes in a gel form, so it won't run all over when you're trying to apply it. 

-Make applying it part of the fun!

Apply it to him, slathering him down his length and teasing the head (the first part that will encounter your tender flesh), and let him use a lubed finger to gently stretch you and get you ready, tantalizing you and warming up your engine while you take care of the necessaries. 

If you follow the Three P's, what happens?

You'll probably feel a little like you did right after you lost your virginity, but milder. Relax and breathe, and you might feel a stinging as your ring of muscle adjusts to having something stretching it. Have your partner wait while you adjust to the feel of them inside of you, then sloooowly have them start moving once the brief sting wears off, letting you adjust to that feeling as well.

After that, the fun really starts ;). 

Stay tuned this week for other myths being busted by your friendly, neighborhood Sexpert, Delilah Fawkes!

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