Saturday, June 1, 2013

Fawkesy Lady Sex Tip Series, Part 2: Putting Stuff in Your Butt is Awesome (if it's the RIGHT stuff!)

Since we've been debunking myths about the rarely-talked-about-but-totally-fun act of anal lovin', we've discussed how to relax into it and make sure you have a good experience.

But now let's debunk the evil twin of the "it hurts" myth:

Myth #2: You can put ANYTHING up there!

*Ring, ring!* Uh, Mom... I'm gonna have to call you back.


I have some friends who are paramedics and you would be shocked to hear just how many stories they have about people putting weird things up their butts. And then having to go to the hospital... because that's a really, really BAD idea.

It was a million to one shot, Doc! A million to one...

So this is my brief bit of advice for all of you out there, hopefully not that you need it:

Do not put anything in your butt that is not one of the following:

1. Human fingers
2. Human penises
3. A sex toy *specifically designed* either for anal play or shaped like a human penis.

I know, I know, you may be thinking. Geez, why on earth do you need to spell it out, Delilah? Don't you think I know how to engage in sweet backdoor sexin's?

Welp, I respond. You'd really be surprised.

And even if you're following the list above, make sure to always remember your Three P's of Anal to make sure everyone's having a sexy, safe time.

-Puttin' some lube on it

So enjoy! Have fun! Be not afraid!

BUT... make sure what's going into your ass is designed to be up there. I don't want to see any of you guys on an episode of Rescue 911.

REALLY? You have got to be kidding me...


  1. Some good advice about how much lube to use when you're starting out:

    If it's not dripping from the ceiling, you haven't used enough. :)

    Yes, it's messy. Get some cheap towels. Later, you can slowly cut back until you find the level you need. At first, use a lot, especially if it's a regular water-based lube and not one of the new hyperslippery kind.

  2. GREAT point, Marc! I love the "if it's not dripping from the ceiling"--Ha!

    I totally recommend lubing while stretching with a finger or two, so you've got extra KY or whatever you're using on the inside as well. Go nuts with the lube!

    On a related note, the dollar store has some really cheap microfiber cloths for wiping down your kitchen, like cheap Sham-Wows. Those might be nice for the nightstand, now that I think about it...

  3. I can definitely vouch for keeping a stack of kitchen towels in the bedroom if you're planning to experiment with lots of fun butt stuff!

    It saves on so much awkwardness dashing to the kitchen while you try not to make a mess. Especially if your roommates are around.


Tell us what's going on in that dirty brain of yours!